Apple Keynote Bingo

September 2017 Edition


Play again?
Inane fratboy-esque whooping from the audience Phil Schiller You get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING! “It’s in beta, right now” iPhone X (“The ‘X’ makes it sound cool”)
Siri on more stuff – more uselessness, more of the time All the colours! Available in all the colours! Tech nerds moaning about open-plan offices Tim Cook’s thin, watery smile A new app that looks OK, but nothing special
“We love music, but you wouldn’t think so given this closing performance” Apple Pay stats FreeSpace 100% more glass for extra shatterability “Partnership”
Eddy Cue does some dad dancing Glimmers of hope that ARKit might actually have practical applications Everyone loses their shit about something technical “Let me show it to you” “I’ll never get used to that!” *gets used to it almost immediately*
Totally off-the-mark and utterly uncool original video content Attempting to fix the Apple TV remote with software update Jony: “I won’t be happy until it’s just a featureless block of metal”. They killed Touch ID! You bastards! 9.42am!

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