Apple Keynote Bingo

September 2017 Edition


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Eddy Cue does some dad dancing Vague promises of innovation to come Advert Stealthy upgrade to a product not mentioned in the Keynote Jony: “I won’t be happy until it’s just a featureless block of metal”.
Something to do with home automation. A refrigerator perhaps? “Here it is” 100% more glass for extra shatterability Phil Schiller They killed Touch ID! You bastards!
“Partnership” Disappointment as all the rumours turn out to be EXACTLY true FreeSpace What if FaceID triggers when you have porn open in a browser window? First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything but
H*cking Brexit That moment when you didn‘t think you wanted one, but you really do Steve Jobs Medical Centre Steve Jobs Staff Restaurant 4K Apple TV is only actually 3.999K
You get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING! Deluded attempt to fix the Apple TV by changing the interface again “We hope you like it” Apple’s lack of diversity manifests itself on stage once again The Verge hits 10 “articles” before the thing’s even finished

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