Apple Keynote Bingo
October 2016 Edition
|Previously ethusiatic Unix Nerds decrying loss of keys they never used
||Here comes the finance bit!
||Smiling children in an emerging market play with an iPad
||Inane fratboy-esque whooping from the audience
|Hopes the “music” act isn‘t a DJ cross-fading on the touchbar
||Sir Jony Ive
||You get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING!
||Headphone jack now via USB-C -> lightning -> 3.5mm adapter
||Something to do with home automation. A refrigerator perhaps?
|No headphone port! *Muppet arm flail*
||New, fairly dreary, feature gets ridiculous name (e.g. “Power Station”)
||Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade
|Apple Pay stats
||MacPro gets an underwhelming update
||ZING! Take THAT Google!
||Even the fanboys seem bored with iterative improvement
||First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything but
|That moment when you didn‘t think you wanted one, but you really do
||“We think it’s great”
||Where’s the Mac Pro update, Apple?
||“We love music, but you wouldn’t think so given this closing performance”
Made with love in Edinburgh, Scotland by @patrickhmason and @davidmoss • Want more snark? Try Trollem Ipsum