Apple Keynote Bingo

Special Event
September 2016 Edition


BINGO!

Play again?
“It’s in beta, right now”That’s a NICE new Apple Store“Oh, you started with a single piece of aluminium, did you?”Phil SchillerApply Pay stats
Everyone loses their shit about something technicalWatch strap made of something weird (e.g. soylent green, unicorn hair)Enterprise! Woo yeah! *rolls eyes*Headphone dongle is unsurprisingly too expensiveNew office…or Deathstar?
Ultra-shiny, ultra-droppable, ultra-shatterableStealthy upgrade to a product not mentioned in the KeynoteFreeSpaceThe Verge hits 10 “articles” before the thing’s even finishedAdvert
“DLSR beating” camera *snorts*New, fairly dreary, feature gets ridiculous name (e.g. “Power Station”)You get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING!Health monitoring features. It’s all about the stats, folksJoke about exploding Note 7s
Eddy CuePoorly implemented cloud featuresTim CookWhere’s my 5K monitor, Apple?Even the fanboys seem bored with iterative improvement

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Made with love in Edinburgh, Scotland by @patrickhmason and @davidmoss Want more snark? Try Trollem Ipsum