Apple Keynote Bingo

September 2017 Edition


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What if FaceID triggers when you have porn open in a browser window? “We hope you like it” New Apple TV screensavers (because that will fix it, obviously) Totally off-the-mark and utterly uncool original video content Apple’s lack of diversity manifests itself on stage once again
Tim Cook’s thin, watery smile New, fairly dreary, feature gets ridiculous name (e.g. “Power Station”) Enterprise! Woo yeah! *rolls eyes* Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade 9.42am!
Lots of iPhone-shot pictures of smiling Caucasians Attempting to fix the Apple TV remote with software update FreeSpace Disappointment as all the rumours turn out to be EXACTLY true First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything but
Footage of pleasingly diverse (for Apple) employees in a glass meeting room The Verge hits 10 “articles” before the thing’s even finished “We love music, but you wouldn’t think so given this closing performance” Steve Jobs Multi-Faith Prayer Room Glimmers of hope that ARKit might actually have practical applications
Computer controlled milling machine action shot Steve Jobs Theatre Time-lapse of new office reacting to weather conditions Tim Cook Here comes the finance bit!

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