Apple Keynote Bingo

June 2016 Edition


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Doubling down on security AND WE ALL KNOW WHYYou get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING!Content rights holders visibly soiling themselves“It’s in beta, right now”Vague promises of innovation to come
“Boom!/Bam!” or other onomatopoeic wordNice independent software maker totally undermined by a new featurePoorly implemented cloud featuresAdvertComplaints it doesn’t have USB-C
Where’s my 5K monitor, Apple?New Apple TV screensavers (because that will fix it, obviously)FreeSpaceWHERE’S THE FUCKING CAR, APPLE.Tim Cook
9.42am!A tweet that just says “oooh” followed by a bunch of hashtags“Billion”That’s a NICE new Apple StoreSwift? Maybe. I’m not a developer. I don’t care
First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything butEnterprise! Woo yeah! *rolls eyes*Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade“We hope you like it”Male presenters undo yet another shirt button

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