Apple Keynote Bingo

September 2017 Edition


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Super-earnest medical research VT Losing track of the number of things Steve Jobs would never have allowed [a Drag Race GIF that perfectly illustrates something] Eddy Cue does some dad dancing Dreadful skit
Steve Jobs Staff Restaurant “We love music, but you wouldn’t think so given this closing performance” ZING! Take THAT Google! That’s a NICE new Apple Store Steve Jobs Multi-Faith Prayer Room
New, fairly dreary, feature gets ridiculous name (e.g. “Power Station”) Tim Cook’s thin, watery smile FreeSpace All the colours! Available in all the colours! “I’ll never get used to that!” *gets used to it almost immediately*
First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything but Computer controlled milling machine action shot Poorly implemented cloud features Deluded attempt to fix the Apple TV by changing the interface again Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade
“Oh, you started with a single piece of aluminium, did you?” Inane fratboy-esque whooping from the audience Price point slightly too high, but not high enough to stop you buying Disappointment as all the rumours turn out to be EXACTLY true Apple effectively claims to have invented HDR

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Made with love in Edinburgh, Scotland by @patrickhmason and @davidmoss Want more snark? Try Trollem Ipsum