Apple Keynote Bingo

September 2018 Edition


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“Colours still black, silver and pink; names continue not to be” Watch strap made of something weird (e.g. soylent green, unicorn hair) Footage of pleasingly diverse (for Apple) employees in a glass meeting room Thin as a feature Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade
Apple stops pretending the Apple Watch is anything other than an expensive Fitbit Steve Jobs Theatre Poorly implemented cloud features Smiling children in an emerging market play with an iPad “Here it is”
Retweet of Oatmeal cartoon about owning an Apple product Whatever, it’s still a square watch FreeSpace Jony: “I won’t be happy until it’s just a featureless block of metal”. Vague promises of innovation to come
“We’ve doubled down on security, just in case. Everything’s fine, though.” Male presenters undo yet another shirt button “It’s available in beta, right now” iPhone Midi-Maxi Stealthy upgrade to a product not mentioned in the Keynote
Enterprise! Woo yeah! *rolls eyes* Tech nerds moaning about open-plan offices Steve Jobs Staff Restaurant The Verge hits 10 “articles” before the thing’s even finished AirPods still make you look like an idiot

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