|First “hands-on” from CNet that is anything but
||Enterprise! Woo yeah! *rolls eyes*
||“Boom!/Bam!” or other onomatopoeic word
||A new app that looks OK, but nothing special
||Tech nerds moaning about open-plan offices
|Everyone loses their shit about something technical
||“We think it’s great”
||Here comes the finance bit!
||They’re good phones, Brent.
||All the colours! Available in all the colours!
|Time-lapse of new office reacting to weather conditions
||“But I’ve already given the NSA my fingerprints…”
||Steve Jobs Medical Centre
||“Oh, you started with a single piece of aluminium, did you?”
|Phil Schiller serves some Samsung- or Google-baiting shade
||EXCRUCIATING third party demo
||Poorly implemented cloud features
||“We love music, but you wouldn’t think so given this closing performance”
|You get a Pro thing, You get a Pro thing, EVERYBODY GETS A PRO THING!
||Apple stops pretending the Apple Watch is anything other than an expensive Fitbit
||New Apple TV screensavers (because that will fix it, obviously)
||Inane fratboy-esque whooping from the audience
||Apple’s lack of diversity manifests itself on stage once again