Apple Keynote Bingo


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New feature not rolled out to legacy productHealth monitoring features. It’s all about the stats, folksNo GoogleHealthKit measures just how many miles your demons have made you run“Really cool”
To the tune of “Mna-mna”: “Peripheral-do-do-do-do-do!”Nice independent software maker totally undermined by a new feature“4.7? Or 5.5? Fuck it, I’ll just get both.”First blog post about why you need both iPhones for your “workflow”Didn't the battery already last that long?
A new app that looks OK, but nothing specialiWatch! About. Fucking. Time.FreeSpace“10 ways to get more page views about the iWatch” – Business InsiderWho is this guy?
Instagrammed photo of the Keynote (a.k.a. Tim Cook with a vintage feel)Rendered VT of terrifying new officeDisappointment as all the rumours turn out to be EXACTLY trueStealthy upgrade to a product not mentioned in the KeynoteNew HQ continues to feel like vapourware
“Look at that”“We think it’s great”An incomprehensible quantity of iMessages allegedly deliveredSmiling children in an emerging market play with an iPadThe live blog you are following crashes

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Idea and words by @patrickhmason Built by @davidmoss Like this? Try Inspired by Apple and Trollem Ipsum